i simply hate it here

inspired by p4rkr's "i hate it here"

---

i wish not to be a loser,

pit crews only get so old,

like the bread in the oven

the cars on the highway

the soundtrack to regress.

i dont want to be forgotten,

from yesteryear's old news,

like the chore on the clipboard

the work in a classroom

the differences in lust.

i dont want to see the future,

to find your tunnel's old light,

like the grade on a paper

the sand on a beach

the failure to detest.

i don't know if i can do this,

and to please all those who lie,

like deceit on resume

the five minute dates

the seasons that never change.

if i would change the fate

to rewrite just a page

or fight enormous tidal wave,

i would listen if i could.

if i could seal my plate

or brand my grey rot name,

to halt my ever meal

i might see your truth unfold.

if i might doubt my thoughts

to never see an end

or simply being a friend,

i fright the ruler's lash.

if i fright the flame

or douse the shout in vain,

to nail in my coffin

a rock in your high shoe.

i don't want to be ignorant

or solely root in blood,

like an insolent

or a sour taste,

like a burden in your truth.

i dont want to f*cking be here,

holding onto solid dust,

like a name to remember

a seat to forfeiture

a garden to water.

i dont feel like i deserve it,

going through my friends like clothes,

like a cartridge replaced

a mistake erased

a tank left leaking fuel.

i dont feel your pity love,

sifting layers to decode,

like a blood-type misplay

a pendrop array

a flower to never bloom.

i dont see the real big issue,

inflating tires with my nail,

like a patient array

a depot decay

a teething toddler snail.

look at what you made me

i don't see the problem

i don't have a problem

i cannot control it

i can't really hear you

i can't f*cking see you

i can't f*cking feel you

like an echo in our pool.

i love that you're staring

i love that you're laughing

i love that you're angry

i love that you're happy.

yeah i'm not too happy

i'm not sad much either

i don't have a problem

i want to forget it.

i love that you tell me

all this f*cking bullsh*t

synching my quaint theories

to your ghastly options.

what if i can't see that

like it's f*cking perfect

what if i'm not happy

like you tell me to be.

and i don't wanna be like that

i don't wanna be like you

i cant seem to find a way

to rest in this cold stew;

oh well, i cannot explain it

i hate when it proves true.